From the absence on this blog, it looks like I could be missing two. But, February 14-19 I was alive and well; just very busy, and without inspiration or time to write. This last week is the time I haven't felt very alive. And looking back, I don't have much to show for it either.
I have valid excuses. The slight sore throat I felt a week ago Friday turned into a horrible sore throat that lasted 7 days, accompanied by reoccurring fever, chills, aching ears, and a stuffy head. I didn't feel like doing anything; I just wanted to get well. I laid around a lot, slept more than I thought was possible, watched a few movies, and managed to follow most of my study schedule. By God's grace I was even able to teach dance classes, though my students had to put up with a horribly weird-sounding voice! But, most everything else I "needed" to do last week never got done. It's amazing how your perspective changes when you're sick.
Yesterday I woke up late again, but was immediately gratified to find that I could swallow without pain! Later that day I could even breathe through my nose! Today I'm feeling completely recovered, though a bit sleepy still, and it is wondrous to feel alive. But... it's hard to tackle what needs to be done when it hasn't gotten done for a week. I don't know where to start, and motivation is sadly lacking.
I admit that I'm a "human doing" more often than not. It's hard not to be, when there's just so much to be done! Dad told me this week that I was learning to be a "human being" - but I didn't enjoy it very much. It didn't work well into my schedule. It was weird to live a week without an alarm clock. And, human beings shouldn't feel miserable, like I was.
But I know what my dad was getting at. It's something he's reminded me of so many times: we're human beings, not human doings. I too often get so caught up in rushing around, doing this and doing that, checking this off my to-do list and staying on track, that I lose the joy of daily living, the joy of relationships.
There's a balance to be found, but I haven't found it. I have plenty of moments of laziness in between all those productive pursuits. As I face a week with a lot to do - things that really do need to be done - things to plan, sew, study, sort, clean, create... the list could be endless. I don't really even want to start. But, by God's grace, I will continue pressing on.
I can't do most of want to do tonight, but I can do a small part. I can get good rest to make sure my body completes its recovery, and I can enjoy fellowship with the Body of Christ tomorrow. And when Monday comes, with the alarm clock back to its early announcement, I can rejoice in the fact that my days are in God's hands. If I follow Him, He will show me what I'm to do for His glory (1 Corinthians 10:31), and when I'm simply to be still and know He's God (Psalm 46:10).
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." (Philippians 3:12)